Today's News

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1. HUSH MONEY

COHEN: President Trump’s former lawyer and fixer Michael Cohen was sentenced to three years in prison for campaign finance violations, lying to Congress and tax evasions. The judge said Cohen had committed “a smorgasbord of criminal conduct,” while an emotional Cohen apologized and said he felt it was his “duty to cover up [Trump’s] dirty deeds.” WASH POST


ENQUIRER: The publisher of the National Enquirer is cooperating with federal investigators who are looking into the payments Cohen made to silence a woman who said she had an affair with the president. The Enquirer admits it coordinated the payment with Trump’s campaign after denying it for two years.  POLITICO

     

2. MAY SURVIVES

UK Prime Minister Theresa May will keep her job after a no-confidence vote failed to deliver the numbers needed to topple her government. May still faces an uphill battle to get the votes she needs for her Brexit plan to pass, as well as the concessions she needs from the EU to make it work. GUARDIAN

If you need a no-confidence vote it’s pretty safe to say there’s no confidence.

     

3. PELOSI CUTS DEAL

Rep. Nancy Pelosi struck a deal with a group of House Democrats that had vowed to vote against her for speaker next month, all but assuring she will be elected. Pelosi agreed to serve a single term, calling herself “a bridge to the next generation of leaders.” NPR

Pelosi GIF

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4. APPLE IN AUSTIN

Apple is spending $1 billion to build an expanded office in Austin, Texas, where it will add as many as 15,000 new employees. That will make Apple the largest private employer in the city. The company is also planning to open new offices and add jobs in Seattle, San Diego, Culver City among other cities. CNBC

We thought tech companies only announced these things with insufferable year-long, Bachelor-style pageants?

Steve Carell Hi Everyone GIF by Saturday Night Live

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5. PICS OF THE YEAR

Reuters has released its 100 ‘Pictures of the Year’ for 2018. The images include a bride posing during a total lunar eclipse in Brazil (picture 17), Serena Williams yelling at an umpire (picture 39) and a young girl flanked by reindeer in Mongolia (picture 47). SEE PICS

     

6. TOP GOOGLE SEARCHES

The top google search for 2018 was The World Cup– both in the U.S. and the world. Included in the top ten of worldwide Google searches, released by the company, were Avicii, Kate Spade and Stan Lee. Meghan Markle is number six on the global list–the only living person found in the top ten. CHEDDAR

Our top search of the year, once again: why are we always tired?

     

7. DEADLIEST DRUG

Fentanyl is the deadliest drug in America for the first time, replacing heroin as the drug most involved in overdoses. According to the CDC, the lethal synthetic opioid was responsible for 18,000 deaths in 2016. CNN

     

8. ELLEN

Ellen DeGeneres is considering whether to retire from her long-running talk show, according to the New York Times. While DeGeneres just extended her contract until the summer of 2020, she was close to declining– amid conflicting advice. Her brother encourages her to stay with the show; her wife, Portia de Rossi thinks “there are other things she could tackle.” NY TIMES

First Kathie Lee, now Ellen? So much for something to look forward to when we take our ‘mental health’ days.

     

9. SAG NOMS

A Star is Born, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and Ozark lead the SAG nominees– in the movie and TV categories, respectively–each with four. BlacKkKlansman and The Favourite had three noms apiece. The awards air on January 27. See full list of nominees: HEREHere are the snubs: READ IT

Let’s hope whoever is hosting scrubs their old tweets.

     

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