Happy Fleet Week! Let the drunken mating begin.
1. LETTERMAN SAYS GOODBYE
David Letterman’s final show featured an appearance by Foo Fighters and taped bits from every living President. Stars including Alec Baldwin, Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Carrey, Chris Rock, Tina Fey and Bill Murray delivered the “Top 10 Things I’ve Always Wanted to Say to Dave.” WATCH
“Thanks for finally proving men can be funny.” – Tina Fey
And from Dave: “It’s beginning to look like I’m not getting The Tonight Show.”
2. BIN LADEN DOCUMENTS
The CIA released thousands of documents recovered during the 2011 raid on Osama bin Laden’s compound. They show he had tons of books about America, and himself. There was also an application for the group that features the question: ”Who should we contact in case you became a martyr?” WSJ
3. SENATE FILIBUSTER
Senator Rand Paul turned in a 10-and-a-half hour filibuster last night, criticizing government surveillance programs and preventing a cloture vote on the Patriot Act. POLITICO
Excuse me Senator, are those Depends you’re wearing? Or are you just happy to see us?
4. RECORD-BREAKING BUST
Cops in New York City confiscated more than 70 kilograms of heroin from an SUV in the Bronx. To put it into perspective, there was so much heroin, “they could have supplied a dose… to every man, woman and child in New York City.” NY POST
Coulda, shoulda, woulda.
5. WALL STREET
Airline stocks dropped sharply Wednesday after Southwest said it would be adding more flights and making more seats available. Investors are concerned that will lower the price of plane tickets. USA TODAY
Or Southwest could institute a cover charge and two-drink minimum for the flight crew’s standup comedy show.
PayPal agreed to pay $15 million back to consumers and a $10 million penalty. It comes after a consumer group filed a complaint saying the company signed up people for PayPal Credit without their permission. CONSUMER FINANCE
They will Venmo the money to consumers.
LG showed off its newest, thinnest-ever TV. It measures 55 inches diagonally, weighs 4.2 pounds and is only 0.97mm (0.04 inches) thick. You can also stick it to the wall with a magnetic mat. SEE PIC
Excellent news for Jewish fathers everywhere.
Ahmed Zayat, the owner of Triple Crown hopeful American Pharoah has been accused in federal court of owing $1.65 million to a Florida man who allegedly fronted him gambling money. FOX NEWS
Actress Rebel Wilson responded via Twitter to reports that she is 35 and not 29: ”OMG I’m actually a 100 year old mermaid formerly known as ‘CC Chalice.’” LA TIMES
Aca-scuse us? And what’s so wrong with being 35? (Bitter, party of one!)
…SNL alum Darrell Hammond as Colonel Sanders in the new KFC ads. He’s wearing the Colonel’s signature suit, bow tie and goatee. WATCH
New hot Hamburglar, new funny Colonel Sanders… what’s next, a Great Dane as the new Taco Bell chihuahua?
11. OTHER SHTUFF
Here’s a list of 15 foods you may have been eating WRONG — including spaghetti, carrots and cupcakes – and the right ways to eat them. SEE LIST
Wait, you’re not supposed to eat corn longways?
@badbanana: Okay, Beverly Hills plastic surgeons. Seems like it might be time for you to Google “normal human mouth” photos.
And that’s what you ‘Need 2 Know’ on Thursday, May 21, 2015…